One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
