I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
