You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
