started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies