Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life