I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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