you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
