I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
