In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize