I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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