So many bounce houses so little time
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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