ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
