Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i believe in u and ur pee
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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