Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
