mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
