ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
