I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
