out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
