you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
