is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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