i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
