Are we in a gay sports bar?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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