The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
