my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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