i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
