God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dicks are not precious.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
