For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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