if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
