Where is the hickey?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
