I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
