But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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