...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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