If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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