i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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