In the future we'll all be gay
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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