don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
