it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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