i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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