This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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