I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
