i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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