ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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