I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
