I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
