We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
