found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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