i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
