I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
