I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
