Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there was a trapeze. enough said
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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