i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
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So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
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But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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