Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
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No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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