For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
