Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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