Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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