That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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