I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
