the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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