If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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