Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
