i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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