All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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