shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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