That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
