I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
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I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
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She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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